You Know Better than I

I fell in love with this song the moment I heard it. And when we had lunch with Gary V sev­eral months ago and he men­tioned that this was one of his favorite songs as well, I fell in love with it again. I don’t know if he got to do his own ver­sion in an album though.

The song is really about trust. And about a love that is so much greater than we could ever imagine.

When I look back at my own life, I real­ize that the jour­ney has not been all that easy. And things didn’t really turn out as I orig­i­nally planned them. There was a time when I was really SURE I wanted to be a Jesuit for the rest of my life. For­ever was so easy to say at that point. Life “fell into place”. And for awhile I was really happy–not in a fake, so-so way. There was real JOY there somewhere.

But life is what hap­pens when you’re busy mak­ing other plans.

Things may not have turned out as peo­ple would expect. And God is so good that even if it wasn’t my voca­tion I was still able to do good in the lit­tle time given to me. Not because I was good. But because God is.

I’ve loved and lost and loved again. In dif­fer­ent ways and iter­a­tions and ver­sions. It’s nine years since I said for­ever to the Soci­ety of Jesus. And it’s been one year since I left.

And through­out all that, there was deep joy there some­where. Not because I am good. But because God is.

In the end, I trust. In the end, I allow myself to be swept by a love so great it will allow me to go on my own and look for myself. A love so great I could not under­stand every­thing about it. A love so great that despite the dif­fi­cul­ties that I’m encoun­ter­ing, the wait­ing that has to hap­pen and the not-so-clear future ahead, I still hold on. And I still am able to love.

We’ve really come a long way. And you still know bet­ter than I. That’s why I keep walking.