Love Always Wins

My friends Mikki and Iris got mar­ried last Sat­ur­day. It was a beau­ti­ful wed­ding full of laugh­ter and a lot of tears (most of it from Mikki). I had the priv­i­lege of giv­ing the toast along with Iris’ sis­ter. The orig­i­nal plan was for me to give the homily and years ago, in a retreat, I made the homily already. But things hap­pened and that first wed­ding did not push through (THAT is a story that can be made into a soap opera) and I left the Society.

Two years later, in another twist that would put a movie to shame, Iris knelt down on one knee at the Sin­ga­pore Botan­i­cal Gar­dens and asked Mikki to spend the rest of his life with her. Thirty min­utes later, Mikki knelt down and gave Iris an engage­ment ring.

I tell you, their story is one for the movies and soap operas and books.

That fate­ful Sat­ur­day after­noon, Mikki and Iris sealed the deal. Because in the end, LOVE ALWAYS WINS.

Some years ago, Mikki asked me to give the homily for his wed­ding with Iris. I was a Jesuit then and Mikki felt that I knew them enough to give a good-enough homily. I knew Mikki from way back and Iris I met in col­lege because of Mikki. I remem­bered that at that time, I promised to give the homily. I even promised to fly in wher­ever I was assigned at the time just for the wedding.

Fast for­ward years later. I’m no longer a Jesuit and I can no longer give a homily. And if you look at my friend­ster account now, my sta­tus says, IT’S COMPLICATED.

Fast­for­ward years later. For Mikki and Iris (and those of us who really know them know this)—LIFE has hap­pened. As that poignant line in the Ate­neo Sibol play SINTA would put it—NANGYARI NA SA KANILA ANG MUNDO. Nagalu­san na. Nasak­tan na. Naiyak na. Nang­yari na sa kanila ang mundo. And I remem­ber that for awhile Mikki’s friend­ster account was IT’S COMPLICATED as well.

But I think that is pre­cisely the beauty of what we cel­e­brate right now in this wedding.

First, this cel­e­bra­tion teaches us that things may change as they often will, and life will get com­pli­cated as it always does, but we keep our promises. This cel­e­bra­tion teaches us that we have the capac­ity to keep the promises we make years ago, in one way or another, in one form or another, come what may. A homily becomes a toast. A promise made sev­eral years ago in Batan­gas, a promise that says: I WILL MARRY MY BESTFRIEND IRIS, is kept. In one way or another. In one form or another. Despite every­thing that happened.

And that’s why we’re all here. Because we’re able to keep promises.

Sec­ond, we cel­e­brate a wed­ding not of two naïve starstruck lovers who do not know what real life really is all about. Rather, we cel­e­brate a wed­ding of two indi­vid­u­als who have loved and lost and loved again. Who have felt the deep­est joys and expe­ri­enced the deep­est pain. And because of that are prob­a­bly the most ready cou­ple to get mar­ried today.

This cel­e­bra­tion teaches us that wounds, spe­cially the ones that don’t kill us, only make us bet­ter. And while there are wounds, there is heal­ing, because there is love. I think it was Mor­rie of Tues­days with Mor­rie who said, “in the end, love always wins.” And this wed­ding is proof of that. I remem­ber a drink­ing ses­sion with Mikki sev­eral months ago in Katipunan Exten­sion where we raised our beer bot­tles for love. We said LOVE never dies. I think now that it’s more appro­pri­ate to say: LOVE ALWAYS WINS. In the end.

I would like to end with a quote from the movie SHALL WE DANCE.

“We need a wit­ness to our lives. There’s a bil­lion peo­ple on the planet… I mean, what does one life really mean? But in a mar­riage, you’re promis­ing to care about every­thing. The good things, the bad things, the ter­ri­ble things, the mun­dane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re say­ing ‘Your life will not go unno­ticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.”

And now, may I ask every­one to raise their glasses to join me in this toast. For Mikki and Iris, who have shown me how promises are kept and how love always wins; that they will always be there to care about every­thing, every sin­gle day; and that they will be a wit­ness to each other’s lives. CHEERS!