The Bell Ringer
(Last April 12, 2008, two Jesuits were ordained to the priesthood: Frs. Xavier Olin and Nono Alfonso. This is Fr. Nono’s thanksgiving speech.)
When I am asked about my vocation story – how I discerned or heard God’s call – my simple answer is that, I heard the pealing of the bells. I remember when I was still very young, in Naga City, the bells of the Cathedral that signaled the first mass of the day would wake me up early in the morning and most especially during special occasions like the simbang gabi or the grand fiesta of Ina or the Lenten services when they rang the loudest. The bells would ring endlessly – waking me up, enticing, beckoning, summoning me. Among the sounds or noises in this world, I find that the sound of the bells is rather unique. It is quite out of this world, quite supernatural. The bells led me to the Church and ultimately to God. They led me to a deep awareness of the existence of the supernatural, of the reality of the sacred. I realized that there is more to this world. There is a God who is enticing, beckoning, summoning us to his loving embrace. I am therefore not alone. We are not alone. We are loved.
That was the start of my love affair with God. For what is vocation all about but an awakening to our fundamental relationship with our creator. To the truth that our seemingly ordinary and mundane lives are graced by God’s presence and that these lives form a divine tapestry. One spiritual writer defines vocation this way. Each of us, each life is a story. Indeed, each life is like a novel. Vocation is learning that there is a greater story – God’s story, God’s love story with humankind which culminates in the passion of his son for us. And if we are able to insert our little, finite stories into this great story of God, our lives will become an adventure. In his Spiritual Exercises, Ignatius speaks of the same thing. In the Principle and Foundation, he says that God has a dream, a vision for us, for our world. And he wants us to join him in this project, in this wonderful undertaking.
When I responded to God’s call - albeit with fear and trembling - my life indeed has become a great adventure. Who could ever imagine that this grocer’s son, a probinsiyanong intsik would one day be writing for the most popular national newspaper, or appearing in the country’s no. 1 tv and radio station. Indeed my life is a testament that when you offer yourself to God, he makes it bear fruit - a hundredfold. In John 10:10, Jesus says, “I have come so that they may have life, life to the full.” When we surrender our lives to God, he takes us to the adventure of a lifetime. And yet, perhaps necessarily, he takes us, as the evangelist John says, where you do not want to go. The writer warns us, do not ask for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.
By that I mean that my life the past 12 years in the Society of Jesus, in my pursuit of God’s summons, has never been a walk in the park, or a bed of roses. With the joy, comes the pain as well. When I was in the novitiate for example, my mother figured in a vehicular accident that made her bedridden for nine months. I suffered no end during that time, wondering if God was being true to his promise – you see, when I surrendered myself to him, I asked him a liitle favor: if he could just take care of the family I love so much. In the philosophate, my brother was shot five times and was left for dead. Miraculously, he survived. And in the last two years, my father and another brother at the early age of 41 passed away. You cannot imagine how painful these past two years were for the family. Once I asked Lalo, my brother, why all these pains, these struggles when I was trying to follow Christ. He simply said, God is merely stretching your heart, so that you can love more, so that it can contain more people.
That is why my friends, you must understand why my family feels so happy today. As my brother Paeng puts it, tama na ang bad news, good news naman. For them, in this Easter season, my surviving the past 12 years, my ordination, is truly a manifestation of Christ’s resurrection. Because in his resurrection, we are able to rise as well from our daily strifes and struggles. When Francis Alvarez asked me for a biblical passage for my stampita give-away, I chose the verses in St Paul’s letter to the Corinthians where he writes, “But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this power belongs to God and does not come from us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed, always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body….Therefore that I may not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given to me …three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me but he said to me, `My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’” I have gone through a painful lot these past many years and yet here I am, still standing, through the grace of God.
Truly, I thank God, for I have survived these past many years, not through my own strength or powers, but through his, through his love. In my deaconate ordination retreat I shared with Fr. Mon my realization - I was surprised of having reached this far, knowing fully well, how sinful I am. I told him that my single contribution to this vocation was my weaknesses, my rebelliousness. Parang kinakaladkad lang yata ako ng Diyos, tinutulak: O, sige na, on to the next stage ka na. Reassuringly, Fr. Mon told me, “Oo nga, Nono Matigas nga ang ulo mo.”
Whatever I am now, my dear friends, this very ordination, it is God writing straight through crooked lines. In the end, I can truly truly say, God was more faithful to me, more than I ever was, to this vocation, to this great adventure which he has called me to embark upon. Now it is my turn to be his bell ringer.
Whatchathink?!