Living in the Tensions

Last week, I talked about the 20 Things I Learned in Life. I forgot to put in that list one really important lesson I have also learned. It’s good though because then it gives me a chance to talk about that topic today.

This lesson is something I learned in the Novitiate of the Society of Jesus, and it was taught to me/us by the great Fr. Benny Calpotura. He calls it “living in the tensions”. The concept is similar to Parmenides’ Golden Mean (check that out yourself in wikipedia! hehe).

For me, living in the tensions has to do with (1) finding a balance in the paradoxes of life, and as (2) a prerequisite for discernment.

First of all, living in the tensions means allowing and accepting the paradoxes of life. It is giving permission to what would seem inconsistencies and contradictions in life.

There is loneliness, but there is happiness as well; sickness and health; suffering and hope. And they can come together in your life. And you do not have to escape one or the other. The earlier you accept that this is so, the better for you. When the paradoxes of life are allowed, the person becomes more compassionate, more accepting of people, and more real.

When you constantly live in the tensions, you cannot but be real to people because you understand what it means to be real to yourself. You don’t live in an ideal world where sin is not committed and perfection is hammered on you. You become accepting and open to other people’s perspectives, and you will really be hardpressed to impose yourself on other people.

The Jesuits under Fr. Arrupe, were asked, what is it to be a Jesuit? And they wrote a beautiful document that begins by saying, “It is to know that one is a sinner, yet called to be a companion of Jesus as Ignatius was…”

This shows the tenuous tension that Jesuits (and everyone else in fact) are made to live. Sinner. Yet Called. You can not be one without the other. You cannot choose one over the other. You are both. And to choose one over the other is to lose the tension and to lose your meaning. To focus on the sinner without the “called” part for example, puts you in danger of going into depression and feeling that there is no salvation. To focus on the called without the “sinner” part on the other hand is to become proud and pompous and feel superior over everyone.

In fact, this might be the reason why our beliefs in the Catholic Church are formulated in paradox: Christ is true God and true Man; God is Alpha and Omega; The Kingdom of God is here, but not yet. To lose the paradox is to lose meaning. To lose the paradox, to lose the tension, to choose one over the other is even heresy!

Share your own thoughts about living in the tensions in the comments below. Next week, I will talk about how living in the tensions is a prerequisite for discernment.