Giving Negative Feedback

One of the most dif­fi­cult things you can ever do is tell some­one some­thing bad about him/her or giv­ing neg­a­tive feed­back. It’s not an easy job. And it can make or break rela­tion­ships. But if done prop­erly, it has the poten­tial to make you a bet­ter per­son and a bet­ter friend.

If you are a man­ager, it’s not an easy thing to do. Prob­a­bly because you know that you are not per­fect your­self. But it is some­thing that you have to do. It is part of your job descrip­tion. It is one of those things that sep­a­rate a bad man­ager from the really good ones. If done wrong, you become the evil man­ager out to police the ranks. If done right, you earn the respect of your co workers.

Here are six tips on how to do this dif­fi­cult job of hold­ing cru­cial con­ver­sa­tions about bad behavior.

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Posted by Mary Ellen Slayter on Octo­ber 01, 2009

Talk face-to-face and in pri­vate. Don’t chicken out by revert­ing to e-mail or phone. While the dis­tance may help you pony up to the con­ver­sa­tion, it will com­pli­cate the mes­sage for the other per­son, who can­not read your body lan­guage, facial expres­sions or emo­tional queues.

Assume the best of oth­ers. Per­haps he or she is unaware of what they’re doing. This pos­i­tive atti­tude helps you enter the con­ver­sa­tion as a curi­ous friend who would like to solve a prob­lem rather than an angry co-worker who wants to fix the other per­son (lead­ing to defen­sive­ness and neg­a­tive feedback).

Use ten­ta­tive lan­guage. Avoid your ten­dency to tear into the other per­son or dance around the sub­ject. Begin by ten­ta­tively describ­ing the prob­lem with phrases such as, “I’m not sure you’re intend­ing this …” or “I’m not even sure you’re aware…”

Share facts not con­clu­sions. Never, ever start with your nasty con­clu­sions: “You’re out to make me look bad!”, “You’re insen­si­tive and uncar­ing!” Not only are your con­clu­sions unsci­en­tific and pos­si­bly wrong, but they’re almost guar­an­teed to cre­ate defen­sive­ness. So say some­thing like, “In the last two meet­ings you laughed at my sug­ges­tion. I expect peo­ple to dis­agree, but laughing?”

Ask for their view. Next, ask if he or she sees the prob­lem dif­fer­ently. You’re now poised to have a healthy con­ver­sa­tion about bad behavior.

Use equal treat­ment. These skills apply to bosses and co-workers alike. Bosses don’t deserve spe­cial treat­ment. Every­one needs to be treated like a rea­son­able, ratio­nal per­son who deserves your respect.