At a certain point in our lives, we realize that we are not kids anymore: we get hurt and we feel pain but nobody comes to comfort us and blow away at the wound. We cry and the world does not stop—it just continues without breaking stride.

This week, we will be talking about the actual steps in making decisions. While these are not foolproof, you are assured of making an informed decision when you follow these steps. Remember, intuition comes in all steps of this decision-making process. It is important to allow your gut feel to guide you as well.

Here is something for the girls and guys who are in relationships out there. Personally, I’d hate to be in a relationship where I’d have to fill this out every time I go out. But this is really just a metaphorical form for what some guys have to go through when the girlfriend or wife gets angry (or acts like she is) because the guy wants to go out with the rest of the boys. I’d like to think that this is the thought process of women. So guys, be prepared to answer!

If you’ve ever said, “I just knew it was a good thing” or “I can not explain why, but I just had to do it” or “It just felt right” or “I had a really bad feeling about it”, then you’ve experienced what some people would call “intuition” or “gut feel”.

It’s that primary, basic, instinctive system meant to keep us out of harm’s way, even protecting us from accidents, or from marrying the wrong person. We’ve heard stories of people deciding at the last minute to cancel their flights on airplanes that eventually crash, or making choices that years down the line make perfect sense even when they didn’t when they first made it. Our gut instinct allow us to “know” more than we can ever explain logically.

Last week, we talked about Discernment and how it is about honing a gut feel of what is right and wrong. Two weeks from now, I am going to talk about HOW to hone this gut feel exactly. After that I am going to discuss specific steps to make well-discerned decisions. For today’s post however, let’s just step back and talk about Decision Making in general. Let this be Decision Making 101.

Last week, I talked about Living in the Tensions in terms of accepting the paradoxes of life. This week, let’s talk about living in the tensions in terms of it being a prerequisite for discernment.

St. Ignatius of Loyola has another word for living in the tensions: indifference. He said that we should be able to to hold ourselves in balance: not putting ourselves in one or the other choice or extreme. God’s will is said to be found in the tensions.

Last week, I talked about the 20 Things I Learned in Life. I forgot to put in that list one really important lesson I have also learned. It’s good though because then it gives me a chance to talk about that topic today.

This lesson is something I learned in the Novitiate of the Society of Jesus, and it was taught to me/us by the great Fr. Benny Calpotura. He calls it “living in the tensions”. The concept is similar to Parmenides’ Golden Mean (check that out yourself in wikipedia! hehe).

Here is a summary of major lessons I’ve learned in my life (so far). I know there should be more but I’m keeping the list to 20 so I don’t tangent to other things.

Read on and leave me a message below if you can relate or if you want to add your own lessons.

1. Faith is believing that something bigger than us holds us in the palm of His hands. Hope is the ability to wait things out for this kind of faith to kick in.

2. If you worry, you didn’t pray. If you pray, don’t worry. But even if you really worry, it’s ok.

3. It will always turn out better. Always.

I had a class on Islam with Fr. Rene Oliveros, SJ. Fr. Rene is a Jesuit whose mom is a Muslim. I learned a lot from that class. We had a chance to visit the Golden Mosque of Quiapo, which is supposed to be the major Mosque here in the Philippines. It was constructed during the Marcos Presidency by Imelda Marcos when President Qaddafi visited the country and needed a place to pray.
We were guests of a Muslim leader named Alim who was very gracious and kind to us. Alim …

This was written on May 16, 2002, on the 6th day of an 8 Day Retreat, in Sacred Heart Novitiate.

I do not remember the exact contemplation/prayer that made me write this poem, but I do remember the feeling of personal unworthiness and the overpowering love of God.